


Feelings Are Hard

by here_for_the_tea



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dead TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Feels, Fluff, Jack Manifold Needs A Hug, Mentioned Alexis | Quackity, Mentioned Antfrost (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Sam | Awesamdude, Sad Toby Smith | Tubbo, Toby Smith | Tubbo Needs a Hug, Traumatized Toby Smith | Tubbo, is it major character death if it happens before the story?, only a little tho, sad jack manifold
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29799015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/here_for_the_tea/pseuds/here_for_the_tea
Summary: Tubbo doesn't know how to deal with the death of his best friend, Jack comes clean about some things.OrThe author is sad and is dealing with tommy dying by writing sad tubbo
Relationships: Jack Manifold & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Jack Manifold & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 5
Kudos: 71





	Feelings Are Hard

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO MY LOVELIES!
> 
> i speedran this little fic after jack's stream, and i think it turned out well! i hope you all like it :]

Tubbo was...numb. He realized that as he watched the sunset while he sat on the bench.  _ Their _ bench. Well, now it’s really just  _ his _ bench, really. Since Sam told him Tommy had died, beaten to death by Dream no less, he hadn’t felt. He hadn’t grieved. He was scared. He was scared if he started to mourn and feel and cry that he would never stop. He’d never feel whole again, never feel ok again. He’d be torn into tiny pieces of who he used to be until he was nothing. Tubbo didn’t think he could recover from that. He took a deep breath and exhaled as he closed his eyes, willing his throat to stay open and his eyes to stay dry. If he would break, it wouldn’t be on their bench. He wouldn’t taint this spot with a memory like that.

Tubbo heard the sound of footsteps coming closer, but he kept his eyes closed. Whoever it was stopped behind him, before eventually sitting on the bench beside him. “Hey, Tubs,” Jack whispered. Tubbo hummed in acknowledgment, slowly opening his eyes to stare back at the sunset. “I uh, I heard about Tommy. I’m...I’m sorry, mate,” Jack stammered. “Thanks,” he replied in a monotone voice. “You don’t seem too beat up about it?” Jack questioned, making Tubbo shrug. “I’m too scared to face how I’m feeling. Don’t think I’ll be able to take it,” He deadpanned. Jack muttered a soft “Oh,” and went silent. The two sat like that for a while, in silence, staring at the view in front of them. “I didn’t think it’d hurt this much,” Jack suddenly spoke. Tubbo turned to look at him and saw the tears slowly trickling down his face.

Tubbo laughed without humor. “We were all friends, what did you expect? Feeling happy?”. “That’s exactly what I was expecting, actually,” Jack laughed once. “I was never a good friend Tubbo. I’ve been trying to get Tommy killed for months, neither of you ever noticed.”. Tubbo stared at Jack in shock. “You- what?” He breathed. “Yeah,” Jack smiled softly and looked down at his hands. “It was  _ always _ him, Tubbo.  _ Every single time _ something bad happened to me, Tommy had something to do with it. The reason I lost everything was because of Tommy fucking Innit.” Jack gritted through his teeth. Tubbo looked back forwards, pressing his mouth into a thin line. “Was Snowchester just…?” He left the question unfinished, knowing Jack would know what he meant.

“Yeah...tried to use the nukes to blow up Tommy. Didn’t work though thankfully, Niki couldn’t lead him there in time.” Jack shifted where he sat. “Niki?” Tubbo gasped. “She was in on it too?” Jack nodded in response. Tubbo leaned back against the hard wood of the bench, looking up to the sky. Stars were slowly starting to become visible as the sun dipped lower beyond the horizon. Tommy would count them with him if he were here. Maybe try to find stupid little shapes while Tubbo laughed. Tubbo smiled. “Why aren’t you celebrating then? Go join the eggheads, they seem happy enough,” Tubbo looked to Tommy’s house scowling. They replaced the floor with colorful tiles, which Puffy had thankfully torn up. He hadn’t even been dead a day when they did it, the sick fucks.

Jack’s mouth opened and closed a few times, trying to figure out what to say. “I miss him. It’s too  _ quiet _ now. The more I thought about it...I wanted the good times back. The good times were  _ so good _ , Tubbo,” Jack laughed. “Running around L’Manburg, preparing for fights together! We had each other’s backs, you know? We didn’t have to deal with politics or businesses or prisons, we just had to worry about winning the next fight.” Jack shook his head. “I liked those times, Tubbo. I liked that Tommy, even if he doesn’t,  _ didn’t _ , come out as much as he used to.”. “I liked that Tommy too, Jack,” Tubbo whispered. “An’ I was the one who had to tell people he died. I had to tell Quackity, watch his face fall and his eyes dull. I had to hear his voice break and watch his pathetic attempt to be strong. Now he’s thrown himself into his business, practically never comes here. I had to tell Ant, had to watch him try to contain his  _ joy _ ,” Jack scowled. “I thought I would feel like he did, happy, hopeful, something  _ good _ . I just felt...guilty. Bitter.  _ Sad _ . I didn’t expect it.” Jack wiped his eyes. Tubbo thought for a moment.

“Why guilty?” He questioned. Jack leaned back like Tubbo had and looked at the now night sky, huffing out a breath. “I’m never gonna get to say sorry, not to him. I don’t expect forgiveness from anyone, hell,  _ I’m _ disgusted by myself,” Jack turned to Tubbo. “But I wanted to say I’m sorry. To the both of you,” Jack turned his head back to the sky. “I used you when I shouldn’t have, used you to try to kill your own  _ best friend _ . I’m sorry.”. Jack had been talking to Tubbo, but he hoped some way that his sorry reached Tommy too, wherever he was. He heard a sniffle beside him and turned to see Tubbo crying, the moonlight reflecting off his tears being the only way to see it. He stood up slowly, walking to the edge of the cliff where the bench stood. “Tubbo?” Jack asked.

He screamed,  _ really screamed _ . It was loud and guttural and raw and  _ real _ . It was the sound of someone in  _ pain _ . Tubbo stopped after a bit and fell to his knees. Jack got up and kneeled next to him putting a hand on his back. Tubbo immediately turned and buried his face in his shirt, hugging him tightly. “It  _ hurts so much _ , Jack,” Tubbo sobbed. Jack hugged him back, rubbing his back and holding his head. “I know Tubs, I know,” he whispered. He’d shush him gently every now and then, trying to calm the boy down. The  _ boy _ . He forgot how young they all were sometimes. Ranboo and Tubbo were only 17 and Jack himself was 18. Tommy was  _ 16 years old _ when he was beaten to death in a tiny cell filled with his fears. They’d all been through so much at so young. Jack decided right at that moment, he would protect his friends. He wouldn’t let someone become the next Tommy, a life ended too short.

“Jack?” Tubbo said groggily. “Yeah, Tubbo?” Jack shifted into a more comfortable position. “We forgive you,” He said. Tubbo could feel Jack’s smile as he laid his head on top of Tubbo’s, still hugging him.

Somewhere a little higher, a blonde boy smiled down at the moment. His friends would be ok, someday.

**Author's Note:**

> leave a kudos, comment, etc if you liked the story! check out some of my others too, i write a bunch of different mcyt stuff!
> 
> hydrate, eat, sleep, and stay safe my lovelies!
> 
> twitter: @__mYsTeRi0uS__


End file.
